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This belief in my fate, helps when letting myself off the hook when I am unlucky in love.In the past, I have been so very unlucky in love. This has been due to shyness that I have in approaching the opposite sex. I lack a lot of confidence in myself. This is due to events in my younger years that took their toll. But it doesn’t mean that I haven’t kissed a girl or even French kissed her. I have gotten to first base and kissed a girl, but due to confidence issues, I haven’t gone any further. But I have decided, that I am going to save myself for when that special someone eventually comes into my life.When in college, I had a very big crush on one girl. Throughout the three years in college, I secretly hoped that we would be together. But, being me, I couldn’t pick up the courage to talk with her and ask her out on a date. Looking back, there’s a part of me wishing that I had just grown a pair of balls and asked her out. I realize that if I had taken a chance at the time, I may have. He hoped she would find a man and raise a family for which he could be the grandpapa.One day in January 1974 while having dinner together grandpapa asked Hilda why she had no man in her life. “There is and always has been only one man in my life,” she said.He knew by her actions and previous innuendos that the man she was speaking of was him. He debated with himself whether to tell her the truth of their relationship. Again he could not bring himself to destroy the illusion for her. Through the months of that year, with her open desire to be with him, they grew closer and in December he married his “sister-daughter.” He hypothesized that if no children were born of the union, no harm would be done to anyone. Unfortunately, due to a miscalculation, Hilda did get pregnant. Again he debated with himself. Abortion was an option but he could not end a life and at the same time destroy Hilda’s joy by speaking the truth. He told himself that if his sin marked their child in any.
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